| Hold me down, I'm drifting off into love...'s Journal |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
|
|
Hold me down, I'm drifting off into love...
|
|
|
|
[26 Oct 2006|09:47pm] |
So, WOW. It's been three years. I've thought about posting for a long time, but I haven't, so that's that, I s'pose.
Well....
So, before I left livejournal for the last time, I moved out to California to live closer to my dad. I lived with my aunt for a little while. She's a flight attendant, so I got to come back to Hawaii for a bunch of visits (I visited like.. Once every two months.) After about a year, I moved in with my dad and shibby was pretty cool. He's such a cool guy.. even with his whole past and eerything. He changed a lot. :)
Dropped out of high school to get my GED and work a lot. saved up a few thousands so I could get my own place, go to community college, etc.
decided I didn't like California very much. Hawaii is my home. has been for a long long time. I still get to go back to Cali sometimes to see all my friends and my dad and aunt and whatnot. I got back to Hawaii about.. oh, I don't know. 5 months ago. Remembered lj and thought I'd come back to you all!!
Obviously, a lot ore happened, but it would take a really long time to explain and go through every detail of my life...
now, I'm back in Hawaii and I'm studying at community college to get my degree in social work. I missed my family soooo much and I was so excited to see all of my friends again (well, most of them anyway..)
So, HOW HAVE YOU ALL BEEN?! I missed you and I think it's way cool that you didn't delete me off your friends lists. XP A lot of you probably don't rememeber me, but if you do.. That's so cool.
I wanna hear all about what's happened to you in the past three years. Lay it on me!
|
|
| Awww. |
[12 Oct 2003|09:34am] |
|
In case you didn't notice, I haven't been updating.. Heh. Anyway, I'm gonna have to delete this journal. Don't worry.. I'm fine. XP Maybe I'll come back around someday and kiss you all on the nose and turn you into guppies. But until then, you'll have to stay the way you are. So, yeah.. In the words of Strong Bad.. DELETED!!
|
|
| I am taking a break. |
[06 Sep 2003|10:35pm] |
I'm taking a well-needed break from this. Well, actually, I just don't have time for it anymore, to be honest. I won't delete it. Keep me on your friends list, because I'll be back! I won't take any of you off, because I LOVE YOU ALL! Oh, hurrah.
Well, good night and fare thee well.
|
|
| It's the brain pain, coach. |
[28 Aug 2003|04:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gackt - Vanilla |
] |
I don't comment anymore. I feel all bad and shibby. Oops. Maybe if I comment on other people's journals, people would comment on mine. Oooh, there's a concept.
I feel awful. Julia and I broke up, in a sense. It was I who did the breaking up. I just can't handle a relationship so intense right now. Especially not when she and I are both going through a lot of mental stress and anxiety. -_- It hurt her a lot, I can tell. She says that she's too far gone to care anymore, but I know the truth.. I know that's a complete lie. I don't know how to handle her pain anymore. It's not me she needs now.. I know it's not. There's something more that she needs so badly, but doesn't know how to get. I'm not quite sure what that something is, but I do know that she needs to find it. Fast.
My room's all messed up.. Hah. "And I know why! Because I got high, because I got high, because I got hiiiiigh.." Whee. My mom comes down in to my room and she just stares at me for about ten minutes and she started crying. I got up and tried to hug her, but she pushed me away from her and started talking about what a disgrace I was to her. She found out about Julia and I from Ryan. ::grunts:: Fucking asshole. Why the hell would he come up to my mom and just tell her that? GOD. Well, at least I didn't have to tell my parents myself.. Meh.
What am I doing here? So many of my friends are going through so much shit right now. And I'm just sitting here, wallowing in my own self-pity. Whatever. I think I deserve to think about myself everyone once and a while. I think I'd go insane if I didn't.
I'm tired. I think I'll go meditate for a while and just try to sort all of this out.
|
|
| I'M NOT MOVING!! |
[24 Aug 2003|10:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Neurotica - Ride of Your Life |
] |
Drama, drama, drama.. Mom and step-dad left last night. (Wow! Big surprise!) So, my real dad came over. Jason was really pissed, because he hasn't wanted to see our father ever since he moved out on us. He's always refused to go see him unless he was forced to. =/ So, when my father came over and I hugged him.. Jason started screaming at me. >_< I tried to tell Jason how dad had changed, but he just got even more angry and made him leave. I started crying, because I knew how hard it was for him.. But, honestly, he didn't have to be so incredibly rude. -_-
My cousin dropped off her baby, Mandy, here again about two hours ago. She woke up by ringing the doorbell a MILLION times. I was pretty pissed off, because that means I always end up watching for the entire day. Sometimes until the next day, too. >_< She's so cute, though. She's only like.. 7 or 8 months or something. ^^ Aww, she's so cute.. But, not at 10:30 in the morning on a Sunday. XP I'll call Julia. Maybe she'll come watch the baby, so I can get back to sleep. >.o
If you have time.. It'd be really cool if people filled this about me. ^_^ Thanks.
1) What do you like to call me?:
2) How long have you known me?:
3) When/where did we first meet?:
4) What was your first impression of me?:
5) Have you ever had a crush on me?:
6) How old am I?:
7) How tall am I?:
8) Eyes/hair color?:
9) Am I attractive?:
10) What type of music do I listen to?:
11) What kind of movies do I watch?:
12) What kind of clothes do I wear?:
13) Where do you see me in 10 years?:
14) Do you find me funny?:
15) What is your favorite thing about me?:
16) Finally, anything you want to say to me?:
'Kay, I gotta go. ::kisses::
|
|
| Wheee. |
[19 Aug 2003|07:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
BEAUTIFUL! XP |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
DDR - Butterfly |
] |
So much good news right now, I'm in such a beautiful mood. ^_^ My brother's out of the hospital, he's doing much better. He's decided to live at home again instead of out on the streets. I'm so happy about that. His girlfriend isn't sure if she's pregnant or not. They really think so, though. Well.. For reasons that are obvious in which I don't really need to go in to. So, maybe I'll be an aunt soon. ^^;; That'd be cool.. Kinda.
WORD on the street is I may not be moving after all! My dad might be staying out here. I asked him if he would do that instead, and he said he'd think about it but it's a definite possibility. YAY! I know Julia's gonna be so happy when she hears that. Man.. I love her so much. ::sighs:: I snuck out to her house last night and we had so much fun. ^^ ::giggles::
Julia and I met this really hot guy at North Shore, his name was Jamie. o_O! Anyway.. It's rare that we think the same guy is hot. She has the WEIRDEST taste in guys. Let's see.. She thinks Marilyn Manson, Jack Osbourne, and David Havok are some of the sexiest people on the planet. XP She's so funny. Anyway.. We went over to talk to him and we told him we were lesbians and asked if he wanted to have a threesome with us.. We were teasing him about his name, obviously.. About the whole lesbian thing and the fact that he had a typically girl's name. ^^ He figured out we were kidding and was like "Sure, babes.. As long as I don't have to fuck a sheep like I did in my last orgy.." XDDDD HAH! It was SO funny! Ahhh, good times.
I'm quite nauseated at the moment. I don't know why. I think I'm coming down with something. Shit.. I hope I don't catch what Jason had. O_O! Eeee.. Well, I should go. I think Tony's picking me up to go somewhere. Hmm.. Peace.
|
|
| Holy shit, it's been too long. |
[16 Aug 2003|03:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exhausted |
] |
My last post was in June? Wow, things are going by way too fast. Everything's been a blur these past two months and I'm SOOOO sorry I haven't updated at all. I feel really bad. The short and long of these past few months are that my brother got himself real sick with pneumonia about a week ago and landed himself in the hospital. He had run away a few weeks before. He's doing better now, though.
I've been seeing my dad a lot lately. He's been clean for about five years now and we've been getting close again. He wants me to move out with him to California for about a year, so I agreed. I won't be living with him, though. My mom is making me stay with my aunt, but I'll still get to be with him a lot.
This move is taking a lot out of me and a lot away from me. My family, all my friends, everyone I care about. Julia's taking it the hardest. Kim just moved away from her and now I'm moving away from her. The two people she loves and counts on the most. It hurts me a lot, but I know it hurts her more. She cried for so long and I just held her. I didn't know what to do. It's hard for me, too. I mean, I'm leaving everything behind. But it's not forever, and I know that. I just can't wait to come back to all this love next year.
I think Jason's girlfriend is pregnant, but he won't tell me anything. I haven't been asking him lately, because he's been so sick. I don't know. My sister's been horrible about the whole thing. She hates how Jason's getting all the attention and so she's pretending to be sick all the time now. It's so annoying.
A lot more has been going on, but nothing very significant. Sorry again for being away for so long. I love you all! I'll update soon, I promise.
|
|
|
[26 Jun 2003|10:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Alkaline Trio |
] |
I stole this from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) murderoftwo. ::smirks:: Only fill it out if you want to.. It's quite long. If anyone wants to do it though, I'd be very happy. ^___^
( Read more... )
Mwahahahhaa. Now I'm gonna make Julia do it. w00t.
|
|
| Hohohoho. |
[26 Jun 2003|10:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Alkaline Trio |
] |
I'm baaaack. Have been for a few days now. ::shrugs:: I didn't have a very good time over there. My brother kinda ruined it for me. He wouldn't let me do anything, which is SO unlike him. ::growls::
Julia's here. I was mad at her, because.. Well, just because. But now it's okay, and she's allowed to eat my noodles again. XP I don't know where she is, though. I think she's watching TV. I'm bored. She's bored. We're all bored.
I don't have much to say anymore. I'm thinking of deleting this damned thing. Whatever. Julia wanted to post an entry after me, so I'm just gonna let her do that now.. Peace.
|
|
| YAY! |
[29 May 2003|02:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Nooooooone. |
] |
Jason and I are off for about 2 weeks to go to Florida.. w00t! Just me and my brother.. Kick ass! ::jigs:: Alright, well I'll be seein you all around. Bye!
|
|
| Weee.. |
[28 May 2003|11:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Blah, blah, blah... |
] |
It's 11:11. I always find those kinds of things amusing.. Ever since I was little, I would look for the house numbers that were like 2468. I thought that was SO cool. ^_^ I liked the way the numbers were so perfect.. Heh.
I'm in school. SO bored. ::twiddles thumbs:: I'm going somewhere after school today. I don't know where, though..
Alright. I'm boring you all and I have nothing to say. Have a luverly day..
|
|
| -_- |
[27 May 2003|09:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
RA |
] |
It's been much too long.. I've been so tired lately. So dead. My brother came home two nights ago! I was so happy to see him pull up the driveway, you have no idea. ^^
I went out to the North Shore this weekend. It KICKED ASS! Everybody was there and we just had so much fun. I got felt up about 7 times that night. Hahahha, it was so much fun.
My leg really hurts. I don't know where my parents are. ONCE AGAIN! I got to see Tony last week. He came over to my house.. It was kind of odd, because we hadn't hung out in a while. We sat around in my room, played some video games, had a pillow fight, and cuddled for a little bit. XP I'm such a fuckin flirt..
I'M GOING TO JULIA'S HOUSE TONIGHT! She's sad again.. And we can't have that. No, no, no.. I don't know. I'll have to make Chris and Emily promise they'll stay home the whole night. >.o Maybe Jason will show up.
Ich bin sehr müde. Ich wünsche meine Eltern würde kommen nach Hause. Ich bin wie Emily's Mutter. :sigh: Bumsen. Ich wünsche es könnte unterschiedlich sein.
Meh. That's hurting my brain and it probably sucked ass. I'm gonna go now. Peace.
|
|
| Pbbft... |
[18 May 2003|04:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Shh.. Julia's sleeping.. |
] |
Here I sit in Julia's room. She's sleeping like a little angel. My little angel.. XD I'm doing all her laundry. Haha.. And I have to be really quiet, or she might wake up.. Shhh.
My brother hasn't come home yet. My parents aren't even talking about it anymore.. It's like they don't even fucking care. I don't wanna go home.. I wanna stay here. Forever. ^_^ Maybe I'll do just that.
I'm talking to Julia's kick ass friend who lives over on the mainland.. Alanna be her name. We have a common interest.. In LOVING JULIA! Haha.. I should go.. I'm so dizzy..
|
|
| HAH! |
[15 May 2003|09:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
AHHHHHHHHH! |
] |
Julia's in the bathroom, so I have to hurry up.. She's at my house and I took these pictures and put them into my fotki.com while she was hiding under the sheets. MWAHAHAHAHA! Ahhh.. Here's the link to see her.. Shhhh!
http://public.fotki.com/immediatedenial/mefriends/
|
|
| Life lesson: Never cook bacon naked. |
[14 May 2003|07:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cold - Stupid Girl |
] |
Tell me something. Why is it that if someone else has problems, no one else is allowed to have problems. I hear way too often "You're not depressed.. I'm depressed!" Uhm, okay. So you own the disorder? What's up with that? Please, someone, explain it to me.. Explain to me why I'm not just as messed up as the next person. They don't know what I've seen, where I've been, what I've done.. How can people just judge others so easily like that? WHEN THEY'RE SO WRONG! ::pants::
I'm out. I'm too angry to type a whole entry AND I'm late for another psychologist appointment. Fuck.
|
|
| Oceanus is the best scent on the planet. |
[11 May 2003|04:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none |
] |
Whoa. When did I last post? Damn.. These past few days have been such a blur.. I'm so sick. Mentally, I mean. I'm fine physically.. Well, on the inside. ... Ugh. Let me just explain.
On Thursday my step-dad came down into my room and he looked really angry.. He walked over to my closet and started throwing my clothes all over the floor. I started yelling at him to get out. But he continued to make a mess. He threw my books everywhere, tore apart the sheets on my bed, scattered all my drawings and poetry all over the place. I started crying and he just started hitting me. He was yelling at me about hiding his vodka and cigarettes, which I DIDN'T. I hate him.
After he was done with me, he stormed upstairs and went to Chris. I ran upstairs and found my mom on the couch, crying. I grabbed Emily from her room, Chris from his room and we all ran out into the middle of the street. There's a little hill we can hide behind and he doesn't ever know we're there. We hid there for a few hours. Jason and I used to have to do it all the time with my real dad. ::sighs:: I hate them. I hate them so much..
My step-dad kicked me out of the house on Friday night. I went to Julia's house and stayed there for a while. She's gone. Completely. She doesn't talk, doesn't eat, doesn't sleep. I can't save her any longer. I should've done something sooner. Now all I can do is tell her I love her and watch her just killing herself.. I told her that if she was going to die, then she should kill me too. All she did was laugh and kiss me softly. I got back home a few hours ago and my parents are gone. Thank god..
I don't know anymore. I think I broke my toe running away on Thursday night. I tripped in a panic and fell on it the wrong way. It hurts like crazy fuck and it's all swollen. GRAH! OW! >_<
My life is too much like a horrible movie where you see the unhappy family. The children being beaten. But then you always see things getting better.. You see the happy ending. So, tell me. Where's my happy fucking ending, huh?
Well.. On a lighter note? ... ::tries to think:: I don't know. There is none right now. Things will get better. It's like seeing the rain on a sunny day. Or maybe it's just cuz I really like that song.. ^^ I'm out. Sorry I haven't been commenting lately, but a lot has been going on. As you can see. I still love you all. ::hugs::
|
|
| Doot dee doo.. |
[05 May 2003|08:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sean Paul - Get Busy |
] |
Wicked. And all along I thought I was just bi.. Hee. Fun times, fun times.
You are pansexual.
What is your sexual orientation?
brought to you by Quizilla
::stretches:: The REAL reason I posted that is because I have a secret. ::leans in close, whispers:: I have a secret.. I have a crush. On a girl. She has such a wonderful personality and she's SO beautiful. I know she's bi, too. We're close friends, also.. Weee. I think she used to like me back, but I didn't show interest so I think she kinda gave up. WHY DID I DO THAT?! ::smacks self:: I think she likes some other girl now. Bleh, that sucks.
Well, let's see. Sum 41 is playing right now. I SO would be there if I could.. Dammit. I'm grounded, though. And I don't have tickets, which proves to be another problem.
Eeeeee. I hear Brad jumped out of his window today. HAHA! He was on his first acid trip with Jake (the bastid) and that's why they didn't come to school. LMAO! He apparently thought he could fly and so he tried to jump out of his window. Mind you, his window is about 15 feet above the ground. ::squees:: He broke his leg and fractured his elbow. Grawr.. Fool. He's just lucky he didn't DIE for god's sake. ::shakes head, giggles:: I remember my worst trip.. God, it was SO horrible. I remember trying to chew Tony's head off, because I thought he was after me. And then I went outside and the clouds kept coming closer and closer and closer.. And I thought they were gonna eat me. Hahahaha! I ended up with a broken toe and I don't remember how. We won't go into that. I just haven't done it since, I'll say that much.
I'm gonna be so dead if I don't finish my homework tonight. Watch me end up just burning instead and then getting my ass kicked when the teachers start calling. ::sighs:: Must do homework.. Must not crack.. ::scurries off::
|
|
| Jeeeeeeeesus. |
[04 May 2003|08:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Undercover Lover - Three Plus |
] |
>.< I've been really stressed lately. Everything's going wrong. On Thursday night, my brother Jason ran away. ::sighs:: My stepdad went psycho on him and he just left the house. He called my cell phone yesterday to tell me he was fine and he'd be home within a week. =/ It really sucks without him around. I'm stuck with Emily, Chris, and my parents. And they all suck. ::spits on them::
I have a huge bruise on my back, because I "fell down the stairs" on Saturday night. Right.. Anyway, it hurts like a mother and I can't really lean against the backs of chairs, because it hurts too bad. ::groans::
Today sucked. What is it? Sunday? Damn.. The weekends go by too fast these days. My sister has the day off tomorrow. Fuckah.
Holy SHIT. I was talking to Tony today and we decided to meet to just hang out for a while. We went down to Kapiolani park and had a talk in the park. It was really nice. He was very sweet to me and I was very sweet to him, considering the things he did to me.. Meh. He realized how much he had hurt me and he kinda started tearing when I told him I wasn't gonna go out with him again. I wanted to crack and give him a little kiss to cheer him up, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Right? ... Right?!
I haven't seen Timmy OR John for a while. I really need to see them. Jesus, this is crap.. I'm just stopping this entry before it becomes yet another waste of my time. Peace.
|
|
| ... |
[29 Apr 2003|09:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
I have no idea... |
] |
Do the pictures in my user info even work?! O_O Or have I been misled for all this.. Time.. Which hasn't really been that long. CYDNEY, SHUT UP! ::smacks self::
.. Do they work?
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
